April 14th, 2011 Culture Wars
Issues Affecting our Church Families
# 2 Should Christians Date?
By Brendan Riordan
Malachi 2:15 Family Ministries
James 1:27
Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world. James 1:27 NKJV
Should Christians Date?
No. Christians should not date, especially teenagers.
I don’t know what it feels like to be a girl, but I can remember what it felt like to be a teenage boy. When I was around a pretty girl, it was all circuits on. Forget about needing to be in close proximity to be turned on, just a photo was enough. When I had the chance to date a real live girl, it wasn’t long before I had wrong thoughts. Not long after I had wrong thoughts, I acted on them. ( Modern culture would say that my experience was healthy and normal, and I should be given a box of condoms in order to fulfill my healthy and normal sexual drives.) The Bible calls this fornication. (Hebrews 13:9) That’s why the Bible says to not arouse love before it’s time ( Song of Solomon 2:7)
My 16 year old son is candidating for colleges. We were warned to stay away from a particular Christian college because it gives out condoms to its students. If you would like the name of the college give me a call. It’s easier to throw condoms at the promiscuity problem in this country than stand for abstinence. Most young men I speak to have ongoing sexual relations with young girlfriends. It’s not something that is hidden or to be a shamed of in their eyes. This is the cultural norm in America today. Little wonder that most schools and parents have given up on any semblance of standard for sexual purity. Sexual relations among the unmarried, (fornication), is here to stay.
I was just reading in James about true religion. James defined it as this: 1- to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and 2: to keep oneself unspotted from the world. I can tell you first hand as a pastor that our young church people are not keeping themselves unspotted form the world when it comes to sexual purity. It’s not easy staying on the narrow road. It’s not easy living for God and by His standards. Remember, Grace is not a license to sin. (Romans 6:1) It’s not easy to reject the pull of the world and not conform to it. (Romans 12:2) “But by His Grace we have divine power to overcome the world having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.” NKJV 2 Peter 1:4
Or, we may take the modern view that it’s legalistic to maintain any standards for Christian living, because “God doesn’t care how we dress, how we wear our hair, what music we listen to, or if we date or not.”
A brother told me that I was too severe in not allowing my children to watch television. He said, You can’t shelter them from everything.” My retort, “How do you, even as an adult, take pleasure in the perversions portrayed as normal on television?”
I once heard a teaching about the culture in Jesus day that it was not culturally acceptable for a man to speak to his own sister in the public marketplace. It was those same cultural mores that made the scene with the Samaritan woman by the well so shocking to the disciples. Not only were the disciples surprised to find Jesus speaking to a Samaritan ( a culture that the Jews did not associate with), but to find Jesus alone with a woman was too –in itself a culturally forbidden thing. When I served as a full time pastor, our minister’s guidelines prohibited us from being alone with the opposite sex. I’m sure that guideline has protected ministers over the years.
In witnessing to a man the other day I was met with one of several typical rejections of the Gospel. After handing him a Billy Graham tract the man said, “ Unfortunately I only have bad associations with Billy Graham. It’s hard for me to respect what he has to say after his affair with that young woman.”
Here’s an unsaved young man, most likely living in fornication with the girlfriend he had spoken to me about, judging Billy Graham for the same. I went on to explain that several televangelists had indeed fallen into sexual sins, but Billy Graham was not one of them. I believe it can also be said of this nation that,
15 Assuredly, I say to you, it will be more tolerable for the land of Sodom and Gomorrah in the day of judgment than for that city! Matt 10:15 NKJV
Should Christian Date?
From what I can see, biblical marriages were more like a distant courtship, probably pre-arranged. I see nothing in the New Testament about pre-arranged marriages, although it’s probably best that Christian parents have a say in who their daughter or son marries. There are too many Thanksgivings and Christmases and kids birthday parties to deal with. Certainly non-believers should not be considered spouses. And in most circumstances, like minded Christian families have enough kids to keep the gene pool going. Why leave it solely to the impulsive lusts of youth to decide this life long decision. How many times did you really really really need something as a youth, when you really, really , really did not! How many young Christian ladies have given themselves to a mal-intentioned, hormone driven , unsaved male who really loved her? Too many, too many are left single moms with grandma taking care of the baby while the single mom goes to work to make ends meet. Why? Because they really, really knew he was the right one.
My father used to say, “ Why is youth wasted on the young?’ Many find late how to live, and are now still paying the consequences of their youthful mistakes.
Dating is unwise and unbiblical. It is a trap for two unsupervised, hormone driven young people to get themselves into trouble. Don’t arouse love before it’s time. Make every effort to keep yourself unspotted from the world, and escape the It’s better to pray that God send you the right one, rather than trying on many partners for size.
Parents, as God given stewards of their children should have a part in helping their children choose a mate.
Further References
I Kissed Dating Goodbye Video
Pamela’s prayer Video
